Tag: self improvement

Why rejection hits hard?

Photo Courtesy: Jakayla Toney

Rejection is one invisible wound that hurts a lot. Honestly, no one wants to feel that way, but sometimes in one or the other way we face it.

Rejections involves a response. It often evokes feelings of hurt, anger, guilt, shame, loneliness or social anxiety. A big part of its impact comes from perception of the rejection.

While some rejections can be categorized as minor but devastating because it makes us vulnerable. There are rejections which may have a debilitating impact such as when we fired at job, when our partner or a friend leaves us.

The answer is our brains 🧠. Evolutionary psychologists suggests that when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. As we could not survive all alone, being excluded from tribe was considered a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being excluded or left out by our tribes — and that was rejection. People who experienced rejection as more painful over the years it passed on along their genes.

Scientists who have studied brain MRIs to study people who have undergone rejection show similar brain activity as those who were experiencing physical pain.

So, while we know why rejection hurts, important part is the need to overcome it before it takes a toll on us. Guy Winch in his Ted talk speaks about how it is essential to work on battling negative thinking and changing our responses to failure will not only heal psychologically but build a stronger resilience.

What do you do when you encounter rejections?

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Why grit is so important?

Photo courtesy: Apollo Photography

Grit is one word many of us would have come across when we look at job descriptions while applying or hear someone talking about it. Why talk about grit at all and why it is so important?

Angela Duckworth is a leading expert on “grit”. She explains grit – is passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement, with no specific concern for rewards or recognition. It goes along with resilience, ambition, and self-control in the pursuit of long-term goals.

She in her ted talk explains how we need to look beyond IQ in our education. We need to implore and look at what is it that makes an individual stick to their goals despite the challenging situations. She talks about grit in great volumes. Grit is sticking with your future. Grit is living life not a sprint instead of a marathon.

So how we can develop it?

Data shows that by developing a growth mindset one can surely get closer to grit.

Carol Dweck studied human motivation and attempts to bridge between developmental psychology, social psychology, and personality psychology, and examines the self-conceptions.

She draws attention towards a growth mindset which is based on the belief that one’s basic qualities are things he/she/ they can cultivate through efforts.

Here are 3 quick ways to work on it:

  • Dive deeper into authenticity – stick to your uniqueness, it could be something you can do better or your own qualities. Pretending to be somone diminishes who you really are.
  • Be brave at facing your challenges – try looking at those challenges as an opportunity to outgrow your own fears. Each challenge has can add to your experience.
  • Censor your thoughts and words – it is really important to pay attention to your thoughts and words. If your thoughts and words are low how can you expect a positive outcome? The way you speak to yourself is integral to your own value and ethical standard.

Building on grit might be an extra effort. However, once you are in practice, the mental processes work for you, resulting in a greater possibility that you get the results.

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Working on Inner Harmony

What does it really mean…

Our happiness hugely depends on how our mind filters and interprets day to day situations and experiences.

A lot of our experiences are based on our perceptions and how we take things. And that further down comes from our inner harmony.

We feel happy because it depends on our inner harmony. Similarly, the people who are content/ satisfied in their life irrespective of their situations/ circumstances, comes hugely from their inner harmony. They tend to stay neutral across situations.

We tend to feel low on every little thing that happens to us. Rather we must choose/ learn to find joy, purpose and enjoyment, regardless of their circumstances.

To feel/ become happy, we must strive to become independent of social environment, in a way becoming less sensitive to rewards, or punishments.

Don’t exploit your inner harmony by getting influenced by either external sources/ environment or the society, as well as the inner desires/human nature.

We must thrive to find meaning in the ongoing stream of day-to-day experiences, in the process of living our lives.

awareness believe believe in yourself boost capacity building conscious consistency create deal with disappointment discoverempower engage entreprenuer fitness gratitude growth mindset happiness heal health investlifestyle changes light love manifest Mental Healthmotivation new beginning positive power preventionproblemsolving psychology punctuality quotes rise save selfcareselfgrowth selflove stay strong subconscious mind trustunwind wellness work in progress

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Three Timeless Skills

Some skills usually tend to run out off trend but then there are some which stays and on some you keep building upon.

I find a TEDx talk, The First 20 Hours by Josh Kaufman really insightful where he shares the power to develop a skill in mere 20 hours. I highly recommend all of you to give it a shot.

It begins with small steps and through making deliberate attempts. You see, a lot of famous personalities such as Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Oprah did not gain success in just one day but through their consistency. You can watch the documentary – Inside Bill’s brain, understand how his routine looks like.

All of the personalities who went u in the ladder today achieved it because of what they know and what they have learnt. They dedicate themselves more of their time on learning most valuable skills.

Here are some skills for you-

  • Learning
  • Writing
  • Speaking
  1. Learning
    Most of us do not recognise learning as a skill, but the fact is that it is the most valuable skill. Learning is one of our most important processes involved in our functioning on a daily basis.
    Learning equips you to grow in manifolds, whether it is about learning to play an instrument/ vehicle or anything.
    Learning will increase your motivation, make you more adaptable, relatable and help you to do your job better. You can make use of resources such as Learning to Learn on Coursera, or through techniques such as 30-Second Habit or a book – How We Learn.
  2. Writing
    Writing is a great way to express our deepest emotions. It opens our flood gates of expression and acts as a powerful method of communication.
    Write publicly, it gives you a chance to write better get feedback from others and improve constantly.
    You may create blogs and publish it on WordPress or other other blogs.
    You need not write lengthy ones but spend 30-40 minutes on it. It will help you to arrange your thoughts better, gain clarity on who you are and what you want.
  3. Speaking
    Most of us are often hesitant to speak for ourselves because of shyness or less confidence. Once you open yourself up ad put yourself out there, you will feel better with every attempt. Stop taking criticism too seriously. Picture yourself as a personality whose speeches or talk you love.
    Seek opportunities to speak publicly. You can begin with people with you are comfortable with. Talk about something you are passionate about. kick off the nervousness slowly. Loosen your grip there. You may attend Toastmasters events, or talk at your workplace.

“Find your way, become a learner again.”

awareness believe believe in yourself boost capacity building conscious consistency create deal with disappointment discoverempower engage entreprenuer fitness gratitude growth mindset happiness heal health investlifestyle changes light love manifest Mental Healthmotivation new beginning positive power preventionproblemsolving psychology punctuality quotes rise save selfcareselfgrowth selflove stay strong subconscious mind trustunwind wellness work in progress

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3 ways to cope with Stress

A thing that you must be looking for each day is – How should I calm down?

Some of you would look out of the window while sipping your morning coffee, listening to your favourite song, or smoking a cigarette, depending upon your comforts.

Some of the ways could healthy such as taking a walk and others harmful, such as smoking a cigarette and I will not go on talking about them.

Here are some sources to draw from, which you may use.

  • External support, such as your social networks, friends, family, animals.
  • Psychological support, thoughts, intelligence, personality factors
  • Physiological support, such as breathing, movements, stretching.

Coping strategies makes a huge difference. People’s respond to stress in two ways, i.e. positive response and negative response. And perhaps, there is nothing better than to transform the adversity into an enjoyable challenge. For those who can, are self assured which is different from being self centred. Training yourself to become one is a great step for anyone.

Becoming aware about about the environment helps to look at new possibilities and responses.

You can either begin by either trying to remove the obstacles or by focusing on the entire situation and asking yourself the applicability of the alternatives.

Developing an autotelic self which involves, setting goals- monitoring feedback, by becoming immersed in it, paying attention to surroundings/ practising here and now, and enjoying the experiences of the moment.

 “ Today I refuse to stress myself out about things I cannot control or change.”

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