Today, while I was sitting in the office, looking outside the window. I started going back to revisit my 2019. I could almost feel that the year had been quite a roller coaster ride for me. It was a different feeling.
While I was digging deep into the moments and memories, a friend came and we started talking about life and other things (in general). I asked her, how the year has been for her. She said that it was tumultuous. She added, that the year brought in lot of lessons and some good unplanned opportunities.
While she was telling me more about it. She said, “if something happens according to how you planned, it’s good and if it doesn’t happen the way you planned it, then it is even better.”
She left and the day progressed. I went back again looking for meaning in my 2019. Only then did I realise that she opened something for me. A whole new way to look at my 2019. Almost everything changed, even my feelings.
I felt at ease. Things that hurt me suddenly felt like lessons learnt differently. And now all I can think of Steve Jobs when he said “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”
Look at your 2019 differently over this last weekend!
You must be knowing that the more you repeat, the better it gets in your system and remember it for a long duration. Similarly, when you focus on the negative aspect or a thought for too long, you are rehearsing it into your system.
Studies have shown, that when you focus on the negatives for long, even when you are shown the positive aspects. You tend to feel low because you have focused on the negatives for too long.
For instance – when you get a job, you are likely to feel happy and return back to your normal state. But, if you get rejected, you are likely to feel low for a prolonged period of time and even if you happen to get a job after that rejection, the level of happiness is likely to be a little less.
Now what happens here…
Look at the two frames – the gain frame and the loss frame, using the example of a glass half full and half empty. The half full glass i.e. the gain frame is likely to make us feel happy and satisfied. While on the contrary, half empty glass i.e. loss frame is likely to make you feel gloomy and low.
Now what to do about it, rehearse on the good parts which would boost you and prevent you from drowning in the pool of miseries. What about a switch from thinking about it one way to thinking about it the other way?
It is pretty easy to tilt towards the negatives because it is so rehearsed in your system. For instance – if you get criticized by a co-worker, you will focus on it all your day and make your day clouded by those thoughts – Am I not god enough? He/she are the worst people… or the world sucks.
Try beginning that shift of you day to – what are the other things happened today? What are the things that made you feel grateful for? How can you make your evening better?
The matter is about shifting your rehearsal pattern. Focusing on the things beyond a negative pattern.
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” –Aldous Huxley
Imagine – if someone asks you, how would you begin working on self-improvement, what would it be? And, definitely there would be a moment when you would get to the advice you received on it.
Just more and more content on optimisation. Why not, because all of us are striving for getting better and better.
It is not surprising that it all needs efforts and consistency. If you are running your own business, where you would be focusing on innovation and implementation.
Here are 3 things about self improvement-
It is about your journey Pushing hard would only make you feel sad about your own self. No one has ever excelled by putting a constant reminder of what are the impossibilities of getting what you want. Stay. Hold. Breathe. Begin again. No one can give you the time you need to recuperate but your own self. Wander on some days, follow on other. And for the rest keep exploring what you like, how you like.
Not one shoe goes with all your dresses Try different ways, just like you would not wear your gym shoes under a dress, similarly don’t stick with one thing. Try things out. Ask yourself what I like, over and over again. Everyday is a new discovery and everyday new things come up. Experiment. Self awareness is not a one day thing. It is crucial to your experiences and learning.
Self-compassion Ever noticed that smile on your on face when you see your loved one, or when you get what you wanted. Self-compassion is treating yourself in the face of failure the way you would a good friend. Showing yourself kindness and understanding, you are investing in your own well-being.
“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”-William Faulkner
Looking to this day, the last month of 2019 has begun. And there is nothing more effective than asking oneself effective questions. Sitting and planning about the upcoming month sometimes help, if not always.
Every month is like a new beginning and almost feels like a tabula-rasa. There is a lot you can achieve by just setting some small goals and habits for oneself, just like your own monthly bucket list.
Here are some questions from my list which can help you to uncover and reflect on how you would like your last month of the year to be.
How would I like to feel during this month? Simple question can help you to bring in a great check on your feelings and help you uncover how you want to feel. It will help you to prioritise on the things or aspects of your life and of course on the parts that will get you closer to how you would like to feel.
Where would I like to be by the end of this month? It does not have to be revolving around achievements always. You can of other aspects such as your personal growth, a business idea you have been working upon, the actions you would like to take for your life or just a small get away to give yourself a break.
What would make this month accomplishing for me? It really depends on what makes you feel more satisfied in life. It is important that you do not involve in self doubt but instead look at the things you would like to accomplish for yourself, even if is learning how to drive, or a musical instrument. Anything that makes you feel happy and satisfied in life.
What advice I would like to give myself for this month? Many of us actively involve in giving others advice. Why give ourselves a backseat then? This is a new practice I started this year and believe me it helps me. All of us have a good share of experiences and on the days we feel low, words help. My last month advice to myself was – “I will give myself a chance to rise today.” Find what helps you.
What is my budget for this month? Give yourself a set plan and manage in that amount. At the end of the day, we should all save for the days when we just want a break for ourselves. And as grown ups we should sustain independently. I usually take out a monthly expenditure and deposit the rest of my savings.
I hope this helps you in some way. Go, give it a try!
Before beginning to work on punctuality, it is essential that you understand what is making you late. Watch yourself and your routine carefully to identify what really is making you late. DeLonzor author of Never Be Late Again says – many late people — including herself — are likely to have an aversion to leaving the house. To combat this she uses a mantra of sorts: “When I catch myself doing this, I’ll snap or clap and say ‘This can wait.”
This article is not here to make you feel bad about your lateness or to say lateness makes you the worst of all. It is just to help you to work it out, if this is one.
Firstly, If you want to begin with identifying, have a look at DeLonzor who identifies fourtypes of persistently late people
The Crisis Maker
I am refraining to crowd this article with too much information so you can go ahead find your type.
Secondly, your motivation is with you. Find. Find Find. because it helps when you have a reason to be on time, it can be anything. I can give you an example here – Reach to work early and head home early to spend time with yourself, your family, or your pet.
Thirdly, begin with declutter. The thing is we unnecessarily clutter our lives with all things, thoughts and what not. Take an example of your cupboard, how easy it gets when you keep things in place, you find them early.
And, lastly, take responsibility. Know what makes you late, it can even be spending too much time in front of the cupboard every morning just to finalise what you’d want to wear today. Take notice of where you are investing too much time where it is not even required. Decide it the night before or wake up early.
End note – You are too amazing to put a blame on yourself for being late. Cultivate an attitude of punctuality, even if it is 10 minutes in prior.
“Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honour your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.” – Bradley Whitford
Your faculties are unique to you, subjugating it won’t be helpful. Life is only enhanced when you work on enhancing your faculties. It can be anything that you set your mind on.
You see when you make up your mind, you set a goal that you wish to accomplish. Often when you set a goal, you tend to set it on an end note and not as a process. You must breakdown and put it into order.
The primary thing is most of the experiences comes from within. You can work on the experiences only when you begin to build it from within. Look at where you wish to work on. What kind of experiences you want to work on. Begin by managing the kind of experiences you want to experience.
Build a stable platform where you want your experiences to build in a way you want. Invest in it. Delve into nature, find your niche. Perhaps, little more time in physical activity. Teach yourself how you can enhance yourself, let positivism build from multiple directions – your thoughts, your hormones, your physiology.
Find yourself. Define what encourages you according to what you want to seek on the outside. Put your things together. There is no such thing as perfection. Don’t involve yourself in something that harms you in the journey of your progress. Stop negative self talk. Be aware of it and before you begin to go in that direction, get up shake your body, sip a glass of water and get back.
It is extremely important that you deeply engage and involve in your motivation. Irrespective, what ever it is, give it your life. Make an experience out of it for yourself. Your engagement and involvement makes you
To summarise – motivation for some people is goal driven and for others it is process driven. It is essential that you find what helps you better. Look within your faculties and enhance them. The experiences you derive from it is solely for you, and you must build a stable platform to build upon your experiences. Do not seek for perfection, delve into nature over self negative talk. Lastly, engage and involve deeply into whatever motivates you.
Subconscious – the word that immediately captures our attention.
Subconscious is a part of mind placed right under your conscious. It works silently, just as the back coding behind your computer screen. It closely works with accepting or rejecting information, and helping you form your perception. Every experience acts like a sponge into your subconscious. It absorbs the detail and information.
All the detail and information that was absorbed gets utilized in a way that helps us to work effectively in the present moment. Our subconscious also referred to as “auto pilot” has immense power to control and navigate our day to day lives, even our preferences perhaps. From the kind of food we eat, music we like, career preferences to the actions we take when faced by stressful events.
It plays a vital role in forming our perceptions. While you were a child you only accepted what was fed into our systems, but as you grew up, you started understanding life differently, and that is how some of the learning created conflicts. For instance – you accepted the when you were told as a child that you can not do this task on your own. As you grew up your immediate reaction to something would be, I can not do this work because I might be incompetent at it. Henceforth, let me give up.
See the thing is, our beliefs are shaped on the basis of your programming, it is similar to how an app functions, just how all the information that is there on the screen consists of a back coding behind it. Often influenced by the people you are surrounded with, environment, texts you read, or perhaps learning in any other format.
So, what can be done , can you never change or restructure. Well! definitely, you can. The subconscious is always working. Though we must understand that what was learnt might take some time to restructure. Although, once you get the information and practice consistently. You can rewire and benefit ourselves.
Here is how:
When you are visualizing the pictures through your mind, the subconscious mind can capture and respond to it. It is a great way to empower and reprogram your mind with uplifting and positive images.
Try practicing for at least 10-15 minutes on daily basis. Simply close your eyes and try to bring attention to the experiences you want to have in your life. It can be visualizing images of a fulfilling relationship, a beautiful home, a dream project or anything.
Most importantly, when you are visualizing, try to emit positive emotions, emit love and gratitude towards the experience. Allow peace to flow through you.
You see environment plays an important role in becoming. Try to keep keen notice that your environment is filled with people who are successful, who are filled with positive and growth mindset. Do not waste your time or energy on something that is not serving you with either one of these.
You many not necessarily seek out for people, it is of course one way. But the other ways of doing it can be listening to courses online, read about people who inspire you and begin.
I know it may sound fictional to you as you read this, but there have been overwhelming research on brainwaves and the results have been quite positive. The audio recordings are likely to have altering brainwave effects.
It relies on what you are doing and fall into specific frequencies.
The reprogramming occurs by creating a receptive medium for installing positive messages.
Ps. I have tried linking some audios for you here. If someone has better audios than the ones linked, please share in the comments below.
“The way to get rid of darkness is with light; the way to overcome cold is with heat; the way to overcome the negative thought is to substitute the good thought. Affirm the good, and the bad will vanish.” – Jospeh Murphy
We all keep looking for sources to work on ourselves constantly. In this constant seeking process, we look at pages of the books, philosophies, religious books, and sometimes even in the conversations we have in our lives.
Today, the generation is upgrading and updating itself every single moment, then why take a back seat, rather make notes and build something meaningful and magical. On the simplest of things to most debated and searched topics such as how to save money, how to purchase property, etc, etc.
Here is some motivation for you to go look out find what resonates.
“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill
“If you want to be tougher mentally, it is simple: Be tougher. Don’t meditate on it” – Jocko Willink
“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.” – Farrah Gray
“We are the impossibility in an impossible universe.” – Ray Bradbury
“You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!” – John Lennon
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations.” – John Green
“If you are working on something that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.” – Steve Jobs
“We shall rise insensibly, and reach the tops of the everlasting hills, where the winds are cool and the sight is glorious.” – Paul Kalanithi
End note – Your motivation begins to soar when you begin to believe in the possibility of growth.
There are days when life throws a curveball and leaves a feeling of disappointment. It makes one feel sad and hollow. You go back to our bed feeling that everything is just not worth it. Perhaps, you won’t ever make up for it and this constant tug gets exhausting.
If you are finding hard to understand disappointment, I will share some examples with you.
You did not score well.
You did not get the expected raise.
Your partner rejecting you.
Your research paper not getting acceptance.
Perhaps, the reason why we tend to feel disappointed can be due to external or internal factors.
Nonetheless, impacts you. So, what can done? Definitely one can’t sit in disappointments forever. It does not mean that you just can’t afford to feel disappointed. You have the right to experience everything that you want.
Here are some ways which can be of some help to you in that time.
Give yourself the time to acknowledge of what happened – Accept your feelings, emotions and thoughts that you have had about the disappointment. When you accept, you give yourself more breathing space. And it certainly helps you to understand the cause of the suffering.
Ask yourself, how can I make this better – I understand that it might not come instantly, but sometimes questions helps us in a great way to bridge the gap. When you ask yourself right questions, you begin to expand and your brain helps us in providing you alternatives.
Do not victimize – It is so easy to slip into victimizing oneself and dooming into the pool. Try staying away from it. It makes you feel small and certainly brings down all the hard work you have put in to build yourself so far.
Expand your thinking to possibilities – Believe me that does makes you feel better, and fill enough dreams to look forward to. Remember when you were a child you would dream of things that you wanted. There is still scope to improvise and shift gears to what all is out there for you.
Bush off and shine bright – Begin to raise your game, look at your skills, look at what you have in your hand to make it better. If there is something out there that will help you become better, do that. Learn, learn learn.
Be grateful – How much ever you get disappointed in life, remember there is still part of your life that still shines. Count on it as a blessing, whether it is the house you stay in, your pet, your child, your plant, your success, or anything. Express gratitude and let good unfold for you.
Remember – You are here to grow beyond the disappointments life throws at you. 🙂
Most often when the day ends, we tend to regret for not utilising our time efficiently.
Breakdowns happen on the rarest of times on the strangest of things. Its true that we tend to slip off the grid. It makes us feel that everything is futile. Ennui befalls everyone. But what we push away is our own hidden resources that can help us to overcome.
I have been there so many times, and I know that smile on your face is enough of an evidence for me to know that you have been there, or are there too.
I remember getting frustrated on small and futile topics at work. For instance – wifi not working, coffee machine going out of work, burning my toast and what not. Well! not to miss a fellow colleague being mean, and creating a fuss in my head for hours. Frustration can never be enough, enough to summarize in one line. It needs a chips of potato chips and an hour long conversation.
I must say that our wonderful brains have the capacity to catastrophize an ant size problem to a supersize elephant. But instead of encircling the problem, we encircle the entire world around. It just needs a glass full of water turning down the thirst and bringing calm.
Or just opening the window and letting go of things that are not serving away in the air.
Moving further, don’t fixate on the downward spiral or a problem which you can not control. You don’t want to mop your own puke, so puke in the right place and flush it off.
Venting is not a problem, but make it a healthy venting.
Take time vent to someone with whom you feel connected. And once you share, move ahead of the frustration,
Engage in something creative, a hobby or learn something new.
Well! nothing beats preparing a meal that takes you away to another world.
End Note – Nonetheless your day is yours, those 86,400 seconds are for you. Invest in your growth and your happiness.