Why rejection hits hard?

Photo Courtesy: Jakayla Toney

Rejection is one invisible wound that hurts a lot. Honestly, no one wants to feel that way, but sometimes in one or the other way we face it.

Rejections involves a response. It often evokes feelings of hurt, anger, guilt, shame, loneliness or social anxiety. A big part of its impact comes from perception of the rejection.

While some rejections can be categorized as minor but devastating because it makes us vulnerable. There are rejections which may have a debilitating impact such as when we fired at job, when our partner or a friend leaves us.

The answer is our brains 🧠. Evolutionary psychologists suggests that when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. As we could not survive all alone, being excluded from tribe was considered a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being excluded or left out by our tribes — and that was rejection. People who experienced rejection as more painful over the years it passed on along their genes.

Scientists who have studied brain MRIs to study people who have undergone rejection show similar brain activity as those who were experiencing physical pain.

So, while we know why rejection hurts, important part is the need to overcome it before it takes a toll on us. Guy Winch in his Ted talk speaks about how it is essential to work on battling negative thinking and changing our responses to failure will not only heal psychologically but build a stronger resilience.

What do you do when you encounter rejections?

3 ways to cope with Stress

A thing that you must be looking for each day is – How should I calm down?

Some of you would look out of the window while sipping your morning coffee, listening to your favourite song, or smoking a cigarette, depending upon your comforts.

Some of the ways could healthy such as taking a walk and others harmful, such as smoking a cigarette and I will not go on talking about them.

Here are some sources to draw from, which you may use.

  • External support, such as your social networks, friends, family, animals.
  • Psychological support, thoughts, intelligence, personality factors
  • Physiological support, such as breathing, movements, stretching.

Coping strategies makes a huge difference. People’s respond to stress in two ways, i.e. positive response and negative response. And perhaps, there is nothing better than to transform the adversity into an enjoyable challenge. For those who can, are self assured which is different from being self centred. Training yourself to become one is a great step for anyone.

Becoming aware about about the environment helps to look at new possibilities and responses.

You can either begin by either trying to remove the obstacles or by focusing on the entire situation and asking yourself the applicability of the alternatives.

Developing an autotelic self which involves, setting goals- monitoring feedback, by becoming immersed in it, paying attention to surroundings/ practising here and now, and enjoying the experiences of the moment.

 “ Today I refuse to stress myself out about things I cannot control or change.”

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